


Speak to priest.

by quasarNebula



Category: Homestuck
Genre: But also go read that fic it is very very good, Choose Your Own Adventure, Fantasy RPG Religion, Insofar as you can make your own choices, Mostly Irrelevant AU, Sorry I stole your tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quasarNebula/pseuds/quasarNebula
Summary: Sollux serves the pe0ple. Choose your own adventure! (Kinda.)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 2





	1. Speak to priest.

> Speak to priest.

Sollux: sigh. here i g0 again.  
Sollux: faithful service 0f the g0ddess, h0w may 0ur church assist y0u.

> [Confession (Save)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366853#workskin).  
> [Divination](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366991#workskin).  
> [Resurrection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51367030#workskin).  
> [Purification](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51367105#workskin).  
> [Benediction](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51367135#workskin).  
> [Nothing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51367147#workskin). 


	2. Confession (Save).

> Confession (Save).

Sollux: yeah, s0rry, we d0n't d0 that here.  
Nepeta: :33 < really?? why not? :oo  
Sollux: yup. with all this racket in the village there were pe0ple c0ming t0 confess their w0es literally n0nst0p.  
Sollux: and 0f c0urse i had to listen t0 every single sin and s0rr0w. i'm the 0nly priest here.  
Sollux: turns 0ut that's way t00 much f0r 0ne guy t0 handle with0ut ever getting a break, so i'm 0n strike.  
Sollux: if the g0ddess strikes me d0wn, s0 be it. em0ti0nally and spiritually supporting every0ne was already killing me anyway, and i can't service the pe0ple if i'm d0uble dead.  
Sollux: anything else?

> [Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366820#workskin).


	3. Divination.

> Divination.

Sollux: 0 h0ly and all kn0wing g0ddess, please grant y0ur wisd0m up0n these n0ble yet unw0rthy sheep.  
Sollux: ...  
Nepeta: ...  
Equius: ...  
Tavros: ...  
Sollux: yeah 0kay she says y0u all are like halfway t0 leveling up.  
Sollux: she says y0u're pr0bably n0t t0ugh en0ugh t0 beat the challenges ahead 0f y0u yet. better get 0n that grinding game.  
Equius: D --> Kind priest, we appreciate your services as a proxy and voice of the Goddess  
Equius: D --> But I fear you may be misinterpreting her message  
Equius: D --> I am incapable of imagining a scenario in which we are not STRONG enough to strike down our foes  
Equius: D --> Perhaps an error in translation is at hand  
Sollux: yeah sure dude. i've been c0mmuning with her since the day i hatched but whatever, i'm sure y0u kn0w y0ur battle pr0wess better than she d0es.  
Sollux: g00d luck.

> [Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366820#workskin).


	4. Resurrection.

> Resurrection.

Sollux: i mean.  
Sollux: y0u aren't dead.  
Tavros: wELL,, i AGREE, iN SPIRIT,, bUT,  
Tavros: pERHAPS, yOU SHOULD DOUBLE CHECK,,  
Sollux: l00k, if i'm g0ing t0 cast revival spells 0n y0u, y0u're g0ing t0 have t0 pay the price.  
Tavros: oHHH, tHAT SOUNDS, nOT GOOD FOR SURVIVAL,,,,,  
Sollux: dude. i'm n0t g0ing t0 kill y0u. and if that were the price then i'd just revive y0u anyway.  
Sollux: it's like a 30g fee. magic ain't free.  
Sollux: but it really is irrelevant anyway. y0u're n0t dead.  
Sollux: i kn0w a gh0st when i see 0ne.

> [Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366820#workskin).


	5. Purification.

> Purification.

Sollux: alright, th0se 0f y0u wh0 are affected by a malady 0r p0is0n, please step f0rward.  
Sollux: ...  
Nepeta: ...  
Equius: ...  
Tavros: ...  
Nepeta: ...  
Equius: ...  
Tavros: ...  
Tavros: ...  
Equius: ...  
Nepeta: ...  
Equius: ...  
Nepeta: ...  
Sollux: 0h my g0ddess.  
Sollux: are any 0f y0u sick 0r what.  
Nepeta: :33 < ummm  
Nepeta: :33 < w33llll  
Nepeta: :33 < oh!!! i was just wondering if you sell remeowdies we could use use while were traveling? :33  
Sollux: n0 y0u weren't. y0u just made that up.  
Sollux: and n0, we d0n't have anything like that available. unless y0u're g0ing t0 priestnap me away fr0m here, the g0ddess's magic isn't p0rtable.  
Sollux: with everything crazy g0ing 0n i haven't really been keeping up with village affairs, but if the sh0pkeeper 0utside is still ar0und, he's the d00d y0u sh0uld talk t0.  
Sollux: antid0tal herbs. ever heard 0f them? i swear every m0nster is carrying a c0uple 0n them, i cann0t imagine y0u're actually that l0w 0n supplies.  
Nepeta: :33 < actually we really are, we had a bit of a run in with a bubble slime marsh earlier X33  
Sollux: yeah 0k. pretty sure y0u're just here t0 waste my time but 0k.  
Sollux: advising rand0m adventurers 0n their lack 0f vide0 game sense? n0t like i've g0t anything better t0 be d0ing.

> [Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366820#workskin).


	6. Benediction.

> Benediction.

Sollux: y0u g0t any eggs?  
Equius: D --> Excuse me  
Sollux: i'll need s0me bread t00. and if y0u're g0ing f0r the full deal, get me a few m0nster ch0ps as well.  
Sollux: there's als0 a preparati0n fee 0f 15g per serving, please and thank y0u.  
Equius: D --> What kind of demonic ritual are you suggesting  
Equius: D --> It sounds as though it is a curse in and of itself  
Equius: D --> Is a curse truly necessary to undo another curse  
Sollux: w0w, d0n't slander the g0ddess's name like that, jegus.  
Sollux: n0 y0u d0lt. i'm serving y0u lunch.  
Sollux: i am actually a w0rld ren0wned chef. ministry was just a side j0b until the g0ddess called me t0 this 0therwise f0rsaken t0wn.  
Equius: D --> I believe we meant to request the removal of a curse  
Equius: D --> Do you e%pect us to search elsewhere for that as well  
Sollux: man, i'd serve it with curse rem0val juice t00, but n0ne 0f y0u are carrying any kind 0f hex. 0bvi0usly.  
Sollux: h00fbeastcrap requests are g0ing t0 get y0u h00fbeastcrap service.  
Sollux: that's 0ur m0tt0.

> [Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547600/chapters/51366820#workskin).


	7. Nothing.

> Nothing.

Sollux: yeah yeah. thanks f0r st0pping by. ahem.  
Sollux: please take care, 0 children, and may the g0ddess watch 0ver thee.  
Sollux: see ya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
